Howdy, folks! It’s Fairer World Cup time again!
We’ve already covered the qualifiers in four of the FIFA confederations – the OFC, AFC, CAF, and UEFA. If you haven’t read the last chapter yet, then please do, because you have missed a couple of HUGE shocks.
Today, we are heading across the Atlantic for the latest batch of qualifiers. Which three countries from CONCACAF will join the three co-hosts in North America?
THE QUALIFIERS: NORTH AMERICA
(AND CENTRAL AMERICA. AND THE CARIBBEAN.)
And so we come to the host confederation for this Fairer World Cup. Mexico have pretty much the same squad as before, but it’s a mixed bag as far as their co-hosts are concerned.
The United States have lost out on Folarin Balogun and Antonee Robinson, but they have gained Jack Harrison and Taty Castellanos, courtesy of their previous adventures in New York. I’m sure the President will appreciate a few more foreign nationals in the USMNT.
As previously mentioned, Canada have been deprived of their elite wing-back Alphonso Davies. However, they have got AC Milan’s defensive rock Fikayo Tomori in compensation, as well as Morocco’s master shot-stopper Yassine ‘Bono’ Bounou… so long as he doesn’t quit football to record a new U2 album.
In terms of the battle to join those three nations at the finals, the former Dutch colony of Suriname look like real contenders. They have taken several big names from the Netherlands national team, including Virgil van Dijk, Ryan Gravenberch and… er, Xavi Simons. In fact, if Suriname could use a time machine to get the peak versions of Rijkaard, Gullit, Davids and Seedorf, they might well be capable of winning the whole thing!
Tiny Curaçao have qualified for their debut World Cup in real-life, and the additions of the Timber twins Jurriën and Quinten should boost their chances of repeating that feat in the virtual world. The much-maligned Jadon Sancho will hope to emulate his namesake Brent by taking Trinidad & Tobago to their second World Cup – 20 years after their first.
Meanwhile, Jamaica can now fill up virtually their entire squad with English-born players – headed by Raheem Sterling and Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain. What’s more, the Reggae Boyz still have Heimir Hallgrímsson in charge, which means that brolly-wielding wally Steve McClaren can’t wreck their hopes this time!
ROUND 1
Before the first group phase could begin, there were a couple of spots still up for grabs.
The Turks & Caicos Islands breezed past Anguilla, while the battles of the Virgin Islands saw the US (and their Tottenham backup keeper Brandon Austin) prevail over their British counterparts. I’m sure Richard Branson is devastated.
ROUND 2
Right, so we’ve got six groups – each with five teams. Every team plays one match against each of their group opponent, for a total of four matches (two home, two away). The top two teams in each group will advance to the next round.
GROUP A
This first group was a surprisingly close one. After a ropey start in which they failed to score in their opening two fixtures, Guatemala finally turned things around – starting with a 3-0 win in St Kitts & Nevis. If you didn’t know that Derby winger Nathaniel Méndez-Laing’s mother was Guatemalan, then you do now.
St Kitts didn’t let that defeat bother them. Sporting CP defender Jerry St Juste led the Sugar Boyz to a decisive 2-1 win over Guyana to accompany Guatemala in the next phase.
Mind you, they did need a bit of luck along the way, as Aruba missed the chance to advance when they drew their final match 3-3 with bottom side St Lucia. Unfortunately, Aruba were missing their star right-back Denzel Dumfries through injury, though they at least achieved the distinction of being eliminated without losing a single match. So that’s something…
GROUP B
Curaçao’s Dutch-bred contingent dominated Group B, sweeping through with four straight wins. The biggest came against the Baha men of the Bahamas, who let the dogs out but also let five goals in – including one to Quinten Timber. Woof, woof, woof, woof.
Who joined them in the next round? Well, it wasn’t Bermuda – Shaun Goater and Nahki Wells were both retired, for starters. Neither was it Montserrat, despite the best efforts of Joe Willock.
Instead, take a bow, Antigua & Barbuda! Che Adams might have been the Benna Boys’ star striker, but he was upstaged by injury-time specialist Mateo Joseph, whose three goals were enough to take them through.
GROUP C
Haiti were one of CONCACAF’s big winners from the nationality switches. Having gained the brilliant Mike Maignan in goal and the perhaps not-so-brillaint Jean-Kévin Augustin up front (just ask your nearest Leeds fan), they swept through with three wins from four. Ironically, the only team Les Grenadiers didn’t beat was Grenada.
Grenada were tantalisingly close to finishing in 2nd place. They needed to beat Belize by three goals in their final game to leapfrog Trinidad & Tobago… but despite a valiant effort from former Fuller FM hero Omar Beckles, they could ‘only’ manage a 4-2 win. They were one goal short.
But hey, at least they got closer than Honduras, who inexplicably only finished in 4th place! It seems the conveyor belt of Honduran talent ground to a halt as soon as Steve Bruce left Wigan.
GROUP D
Cuba and Suriname were the standout teams in Group D, as they each wrapped up their places in the next phase before their final showdown in Havana. The highly-rated Suriname squad might have had van Dijk, Gravenberch, Wijnaldum et al… but they were ultimately beaten by two late Cuban goals. ¡Viva la revolución!
Barbados achieved a creditable 3rd-place finish, though this was sadly the end of the road for the likes of Tyrone Mings, Myles Lewis-Skelly and Jamie Bynoe-Gittens. If only they’d had a bit more luck in their 4-2 defeat in Cuba, things might have worked out differently for them.
GROUP E
No doubts about the outcome of this group. It was always going to Panama and Costa Rica.
Panama brought plenty of attacking flair and energy under the management of Thomas Christiansen. (Sorry if I’ve conjured up any more bad memories, Leeds fans, but I can’t help it.) Anyway, they netted five goals against the US Virgin Islands, and then followed that up by putting SEVEN past an even more pathetic Nicaraguan side.
But while their Central American rivals were all about blood and thunder, Costa Rica were just clinical and very tight at the back. A 2-0 win over Panama started off an impressive first group phase in which they won every match without conceding, a feat also achieved by…
GROUP F
…Jamaica! The Reggae Boyz were arguably even more impressive, as they won their four matches by an aggregate score of 20-0! Leon Bailey led the way with six goals, followed by Ivan Toney on five, and Cameron Archer on four. As for Messrs Oxlade-Chamberlain and Sterling, they could only manage one apiece. Slackers.
Tyreece John-Jules also had an impressive competition, as Cat from Red Dwarf’s nephew helped himself to five goals. Unfortunately, the rest of the Dominica team were pretty smegging awful – particularly when they blew a half-time lead against the Dominican Republic. Marseille winger Konrad De la Fuente started an impressive comeback from the visitors, who went on to clinch 2nd place at a canter.
Also, a quick shout-out to the tiny Turks & Caicos Islands, who unsurprisingly finished bottom but still claimed a famous victory in El Salvador. Success is relative.
ROUND 3
This is the round that really matters. The dozen survivors are now paired into three groups of four teams apiece. After six more rounds of matches, the group winners will book their tickets to the World Cup – and the two best runners-up will advance to the intercontinental play-offs.
GROUP A
The first group looked wide open, but Suriname’s Dutch destroyers took it by the scruff of the neck when they won three of their first four games. Donyell Malen’s last-gasp winner in the Dominican Republic put them in pole position…
…until Virgil van Dijk’s 34-year-old legs started to creak at home to an already-eliminated Curaçao, who left Paramaribo with a 4-1 win. That meant the Dominican Republic had the chance to leap into 1st place if they could beat Curaçao on the final day, and Suriname slipped up again in Haiti.
And boy, what a final day it was. Suriname threw everything at the Haitians, but they simply could not beat an inspired Maignan as the hosts won 1-0. That left the Dominican Republic only needing to grind out a draw at home, and they were on course for that… right up until Juninho Bacuna won it for Curaçao in the 77th minute.
And so, incredibly, Suriname had qualified for the World Cup – with a NEGATIVE goal difference!
GROUP B
By contrast, Group B had one obvious favourite – and Costa Rica lived up to the tag. They enjoyed three pretty comfortable home wins, but an away draw with Cuba was arguably just as important. Yeltsin Tejeda was dancing like his namesake Boris after netting a dramatic equaliser in Havana, and with good reason.
With their closest rivals Cuba and Guatemala unable to defeat one another, Los Ticos were able to get the job done in their second away game – breezing past St Kitts & Nevis 4-1. Former Arsenal forward Joel Campbell scored one goal and netted another to remind us that he was still alive.
Costa Rica were into their fourth World Cup in a row, with Cuba squeezing into the intercontinental play-offs – nudging out Guatemala on goals scored.
St Kitts lost all six of their matches and were never in the running, but it could easily have been a different story. Marcus Rashford and Cole Palmer could both have represented them if their second nationalities were in the FM24 database. Ah well.
GROUP C
Jamaica kicked off Group C by sending out a firm message in a 5-2 demolition of Panama. The Reggae Boyz also provided plenty of entertainment at both ends when they went to Antigua & Barbuda. Jonathan Rowe bagged a hat-trick in a 6-3 victory, to the delight of his best mate Adrien Rabiot.
By the way, I love Nick Townsend’s… unique approach to keeping in the Antiguan goal. Imagine if you cross-bred a headless chicken with a Spanish bull, and you get the idea.
Four more high-scoring wins followed as Jamaica raced away like Usain Bolt – securing qualification after bagging 48 goals and 10 consecutive victories. They thus became only the third team (after Nigeria and Germany) to qualify for the 2026 World Cup with a 100% record. Turns out all they needed to do was recruit Raheem Sterling and all his Premier League mates – and to stay clear of Steve McClaren!
Panama never recovered from their early shellacking. They later endured another heavy defeat to Trinidad & Tobago, who quickly had a play-off place under lock and key. Jadon Sancho and his fellow Soca Warriors would get one last shot at reaching the big soccer extravaganza.
CONCACAF QUALIFYING STATS
Congratulations to Costa Rica, Jamaica and Suriname on booking their tickets to the Fairer World Cup party.
So now we know 40 of the qualified nations. Those final eight spots will be filled on Friday, when I cover the CONMEBOL qualifiers – and the intercontinental play-offs!
Fuller FM 
Really enjoying this. Suriname were one of the ones I initially thought of when I read your first post.
As a Welshman i’m a bit gutted to see us do so badly but I suppose we’ve already recruited everyone with even a hint of having previously eaten a leek anyway.
Yes, I always thought Suriname would do well in this tournament and am not surprised that they’ve qualified. If they get a decent group draw, they could go far.
Looking at the Wales squad, I don’t think you’ve gained anyone significant. If anything, you’re weaker than before, as Ethan Ampadu now plays for Ireland and Sorba Thomas is with Sierra Leone (and, of course, Rhys Norrington-Davies is Saudi now).