Welcome back to my short-term ‘bottom at Christmas’ challenge on Football Manager 2020. As you probably know by now, this story has been all about my attempts to pull Burnley out of the Premier League’s bottom three and save them from the drop.
If you missed any or all of the previous chapters, you can read Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 in the links attached. Once you’re up to date, we’ll pick things up in April, when the end-of-season run-in gets underway.
Before Burnley can begin that final push, though, there’s a major announcement we’ll all have to pay attention to…
BREAKING NEWS!
Big news coming out of the Premier League just now! Their chief executive Richard Masters has put out this statement within the last few minutes:
“Over recent weeks, the Premier League has been in regular dialogue with the Football Association with regard to how to appropriately conclude the 2019/2020 season in light of the COVID-19 outbreak.
“During this unprecedented crisis, our primary concern has always been for the safety and welfare of clubs, players, staff, officials, volunteers and
customers[supporters]. Sporting integrity and fairness must also be taken into account.“We have therefore taken the extremely difficult season to cancel the 2019/2020 Premier League season – and expunge all results from the records. This means no championship will be awarded for this season, and there will be no relegation from or promotion to the Premier League before the 2020/2021 season begins.
“We understand that will be especially frustrating to key stakeholders at the club who were at the top of the Premier League table prior to its cancellation. We know their
consumers[supporters] have waited an incredibly long time to see their team win the English league championship… but I must assure Manchester City that this was done for the greater good.“We also understand that this decision will be of huge relief to key stakeholders at Burnley, who had been in last position. I will admit that the Premier League would not quite be the same without
supporters[online trolls] of other clubs constantly ‘bantering’ them for playing ‘Brexit football’.“Of course, Liverpool have their huge army of
deluded[passionate] followers whobelieve they were champions before Rupert Murdoch and BSkyB invented football in 1992[always bring so much colour and character to the league]. We must also recognise, however, that Alastair Campbell’s weekly remonstrations about Burnley’s latest defeat equally sum up just what the best league in the world is all about.“2020/2021 offers a fantastic opportunity to reboot the Premier League and make it even better than ever. We hope you will all join us on this new journey when football eventually resumes.”
There you have it! Burnley have survived! My mission is complete!
WAIT A MINUTE…
Okay… I’m not fooling anyone. Coronavirus hasn’t spread to Football Manager (indeed, Sports Interactive’s studio director Miles Jacobson has said he wants FM to be an escape from the pandemic, not a reminder of it).
And Burnley are still 21 points adrift in the PL relegation zone, with seven rounds of matches still to play. We need to win all our remaining fixtures to have any chance of surviving – and even that probably won’t be enough.
I would also have to go into the run-in without one of my top first-team coaches. Last month saw Newcastle sack my good buddy Steve Bruce after a disastrous reign that made Steve McClaren look like Bobby Robson. Brucie’s replacement at St James’ Park was a certain Sean Mark Dyche.
Dyche needed an assistant to aid his new team’s survival charge – and supply him with ample edible cement. His former Burnley number 2 Ian Woan stayed loyal to us, but Tony Loughlan did answer the call and was soon on his way to the north-east.
In other news, our Under-23s got to the Final of the Viareggio Cup youth tournament in northern Italy. After brilliantly defeating Fiorentina in the Semi Finals, the young Clarets narrowly lost to a representative team from Serie D. Typical.
Good work, boys. Now go home – and please stay home for the next two weeks. Oh wait, there’s no COVID-19 pandemic in this universe. Never mind.
As for our first-team, their next trip was to east London – and a win-or-bust showdown with another team in claret-and-blue. With that in mind, I’m sure Alastair would be thrilled if I reminded you that former Prime Minister David Cameron famously supports West Ham – or is that Aston Villa?
WEST HAM UNITED vs BURNLEY (Premier League – Match 32)
West Ham were the perfect example of how much things can differ between FM fantasy and football reality. The Hammers were chasing Champions League qualification, Manuel Pellegrini’s position as manager was untouchable, and Sébastien Haller had scored 17 PL goals this term. The London Stadium still had as much atmosphere as a William Shatner cover of an Imagine Dragons song, though.
These virtual Irons were likely to pose a very real threat to our top-flight existence, and so it proved. Several promising early attacks had our defenders constantly on edge, and it wouldn’t be long before we gave way.
The breakthrough came on 24 minutes. On-loan Real Sociedad defender Igor Zubeldia sprayed the ball out left to left-wing wizard Felipe Anderson, who delivered a cross to his right-wing partner Andriy Yarmolenko. A looping header had Nick Pope flailing in despair, and we were behind.
It was now more important than ever that Dwight McNeil delivered what he was capable of. Our young left-winger got his head to a 31st-minute header from right-back Joel Ward… but couldn’t quite steer it past Lukasz Fabianski in the Hammers goal.
West Ham cranked up the pressure in the closing stages of the first half. By the 44th minute, they had doubled their advantage, as Issa Diop’s header from Aaron Cresswell’s corner was turned in by an on-fire Yarmolenko.
It felt like I was watching another Ukrainian hotshot named Andriy. Sadly for us, our attackers were more like the Chelsea Shevchenko than the Milan Shevchenko.
Our best chance to get back in contention came through Jóhann Berg Guðmundsson in the 58th minute. The Iceland winger dribbled half the length of the pitch and brushed Cresswell aside before freezing at the key moment, giving Fabianski an easier save than he could’ve had.
We were going down with more a whimper than a bang. West Ham bossed the final half-hour, during which Yarmolenko could – and perhaps should – have completed his hat-trick. Pope once again deserved credit for keeping the scoreline down to 2-0, but that was no consolation.
There we had it – relegated, with SIX matches still to play. After four years in the Premier League, Burnley were officially returning to the Championship.
Yikes, that is embarrassing. [Sigh] Let’s see what the fans have to say…
Hahahahahahahaha! HORATIO! What a name! Hahahahahahahaha!
But seriously, though Imari might complain, now’s not the time for Burnley to change manager again. I’m certainly not going to bail out at the first opportunity. To quote a certain someone, “There is something in me that makes me see things through. You don’t bloody ditch and dump.”
BURNLEY vs BRIGHTON & HOVE ALBION (Premier League – Match 33)
We were already condemned to our fate. Brighton were 11th and had nothing to play for. That’s right, folks – it’s one of those late-season dead rubbers!
The quality – or lack thereof – was what you’d probably expect. For 80 minutes, these two sides were evenly-matched in pretty much every department while providing the same level of entertainment as Michael Owen ironing his shirts.
We did eventually break the deadlock in the closing stages, as Jeff Hendrick‘s 25-yard punt went in with a little help from Seagulls defender Leon Balogun. No pundits could say that we “wanted it more” than Brighton, though, as pretty much everyone couldn’t wait to book the next flights to Ibiza or Ayia Napa.
Woo! TWO wins! That’s double what my predecessor managed in the first half of the season! Take THAT, Dyche!
ASTON VILLA vs BURNLEY (Premier League – Match 34)
If the Brighton game was bad, this was somehow worse. Aston Villa might’ve been scrapping for their survival, but they didn’t exactly show it at Villa Park. Indeed, the only real highlight of the first half was when Scott McTominay‘s first Burnley goal – a header from Charlie Taylor‘s excellent cross – was disallowed for offside.
As for the second half, I think this fan’s tweet says it all.
If Darius was still trying to figure out the answer to ‘9 Across’ at full-time, he would’ve missed Aston Villa scoring the winner in literally the last few seconds. Our defence switched off at just the wrong moment when Jack Grealish’s through-ball was finished by Zimbabwe midfielder Marvelous Nakamba. This match certainly wasn’t.
Next up the following Saturday was a trip to the Emirates. If we lost at Arsenal, and then Newcastle took all three points at Brighton, we would be guaranteed to finish bottom.
ARSENAL vs BURNLEY (Premier League – Match 35)
My previous two encounters with Unai Emery’s men in the FA Cup were close. This wasn’t – and I can pinpoint the exact moment where it all went so badly wrong. It was in the 28th minute.
While Arsenal defender Shkodran Mustafi was nonchalantly taking the ball across the halfway line, Ashley Barnes was probably thinking, “It’s been a while since we had a sending-off. It’s about time I changed that, isn’t it?” One reckless lunge from behind Mustafi later, and the referee handed him our fourth red card of the season.
Having gone down a man, we were now on a hiding to nothing. Arsenal took another 10 minutes to open the scoring, with Granit Xhaka booming a shot past Pope after midfield colleague Dani Ceballos’ initial shot had cannoned off James Tarkowski. Come the second half, the floodgates had burst wide open.
Captain Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang netted four minutes after the restart, converting a through-ball from Óliver. The on-loan Sevilla playmaker helped set up another goal late on, teeing up Joe Willock for a cross which was finished by Emile Smith Rowe. It was fitting, then, that Óliver rounded off the scoring himself with a vicious strike from the edge of the box.
Our last shred of dignity was stripped from us the following afternoon. Newcastle won 3-0 at Brighton to lift themselves ahead of Sheffield United into 18th – and in doing so, they guaranteed us the Premier League’s wooden spoon.
Look… if you’re gonna fail, then fail spectacularly. And at least we’re all going down together, right, guys?
Guys? GUYS?
BURNLEY vs CRYSTAL PALACE (Premier League – Match 36)
May began with a visit from Crystal Palace – and another game that was guaranteed to fill the final 10 minutes of “Match of the Day”. Despite their mediocre recent form, Crystal Palace were comfortably mid-table and weren’t desperate for any more points.
Ward wouldn’t be taking on his former employers, as he was out for the final three games with a hernia. Considering Joel’s recent performances at right-back, though, one could argue that his absence would actually help us.
The first half offered little worth writing about, even if both teams were evenly matched. Palace started to up their game in the second period, even finding the net in the 64th minute. Luckily for us, Jordan Ayew was just about offside when he applied the finishing touch to a Wilfried Zaha drive.
A foul from Eagles captain Luka Milivojevic on our skipper Jack Cork gave us a free-kick close to goal seven minutes from time. Guðmundsson curled it sweetly into the top corner to break the deadlock, and Wood then headed in Hendrick’s corner just for good measure.
Three home wins in a row! If only we started putting that kind of form together in January – or August, for that matter!
Meanwhile, this cropped up in my news feed:
I don’t know what Stephen Wyness’s idea of things going “badly wrong” is if he thinks that getting relegated in last place is “bouncing back well”. Eh… he probably writes for the Daily Star, to be fair.
AFC BOURNEMOUTH vs BURNLEY (Premier League – Match 37)
This wasn’t the ideal way to start preparing for our final away match of the season. Taylor and McTominay did, thankfully, get over their dodgy lasagne in time for our Monday night trip to the south coast. Guðmundsson wasn’t so lucky, as a thigh injury ended his season early.
Eddie Howe’s Bournemouth were masters in dead-ball situations. We couldn’t defend a set-piece if our lives depended on it. So yeah… the first half was fun.
McNeil opened the scoring in the fifth minute, by which I mean he deflected Cherries defender Chris Mepham’s shot from Ryan Fraser’s free-kick into his own goal. Another Fraser FK would undo us again barely a quarter-hour later, as the Scot’s delivery cleared our defence before being nodded home by Harry Wilson.
On-loan Liverpool winger Harry caused us more misery early in the first half, when his low centre was thrashed in by namesake striker Callum Wilson. Bournemouth thankfully didn’t repeat the trick with their pairs of Cooks and Smiths, though right-back Adam Smith did set up their fourth and final goal for Fraser.
Since taking charge, I had lost all TEN of my away league games by an aggregate score of 3-26. No wonder Burnley will be sharing a division with Brentford, Luton and Rotherham next season!
BURNLEY vs EVERTON (Premier League – Match 38)
Seeing as I’ve descended into madness during my time at Turf Moor, it’s appropriate that I should finish it all off by meeting ‘El Loco’ himself. Marcelo Bielsa had left his cushy bucket at Leeds to succeed Marco Silva at Everton in November. Not only did the madcap Argentine pull the Toffees clear of relegation danger, but he’d also guided them to an FA Cup Final showdown with Liverpool.
For this season finale, I brought back several players who’d seen limited action in recent months. Among them was captain Ben Mee, whom I’d frozen out of the team since February. The experienced defender almost marked his return with a goal, but his 3rd-minute header went just wide.
A minute later, Everton got off the mark through Richarlison, whose strike got the better off our young goalie Bailey Peacock-Farrell. The Brazilian forward twisted his ankle midway through the first half, and that left the Toffees in a sticky situation. Come half-time, Eysseric had erased their lead with a crashing drive in off the bar.
Our fightback continued four minutes into the second period. Just like last time at Turf Moor, Hendrick provided a virtuoso corner delivery for Wood to head in. (By the way, it spoke volumes that our top scorer this season had SIX goals to his name.)
Everton bombarded us with attacks before getting back on terms in the 71st minute. Icelandic playmaker Gylfi Sigurðsson couldn’t quite beat Peacock-Farrell when one-on-one with the keeper, but he retrieved the ball and crossed for Morgan Schneiderlin to finish.
A madcap match then ended in style, as we scored TWICE over the next five minutes. Firstly, loanee centre-back Alessandro Bastoni came off the bench to bury Wood’s flick-on from Eysseric’s free-kick. McNeil then saved the very best goal for last, taking the ball in the centre circle and dribbling past three blue shirts before finishing Everton off.
What a way to round off the campaign! Who said Burnley were boring?
Incredibly, despite being 15 points adrift of safety, the Burnley board decided not to sack me at the end of the season. In that sense, I was much luckier than Pep Guardiola, whom Manchester City fired for having the temerity to finish ONE point behind new Premier League champions Liverpool.
After such a disastrous campaign at Turf Moor, though, I… erm… I think I’m going to follow the lead of a certain Downing Street spin doctor. No, not Alastair Campbell.
And so my time at Burnley – and, indeed, my brief flirtation with FM20 – has come to an end. I’m sorry that it wasn’t very long or very successful, but I hope it’s given you a nice distraction from all the madness outside.
Please rest assured that I’ll be back with some more Football Manager and Championship Manager content very soon. You can keep in the loop by hitting the ‘Follow Fuller FM’ button on the sidebar and/or following me on Twitter @Fuller_FM.
Until next time, keep calm, stay safe – and remain indoors.
Fuller FM 
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